“Stylish” Butch or “Fashionable” Femme?

A few weeks ago I went out with friends and colleagues to a nice wine bar to celebrate La Historiadora de Moda’s new job. One of my friends complimented my outfit, a button-up-sweater-vest-tie combo, and then inquired whether my husband, thechemist-coture, had “dressed me.” This wasn’t the first time I’d gotten this question, and, as it turned out, the answer was yes. As the conversation evolved we tried to pin down just what it was that made my style different than my husband’s, and thus made clear whenever he picked out my outfit. The friend who had originally started the conversation with her compliment suggested that, while I was stylish, my husband was fashionable (a proposition, I should add, about which he is rather skeptical). To be fair she also put herself in the “stylish” rather than “fashionable” category, although, since my knowledge is limited, I’m going to focus on men today. So, I’ve been wondering: is this a useful distinction for men’s fashion? What exactly does it mean to be “stylish” but not “fashionable”?

Given that everyone (myself included) perceived a difference in style between my own outfits and those my husband picks out for me, let’s assume for a moment that such a distinction exists. I think it includes, but goes beyond, a simple comparison of the clothes we tend to choose and reflects broader differences in how folks perceive the two of us. In other words, it’s not just about clothes it’s also about personality. I can think of at least four reasons for why I might be considered “stylish” and he “fashionable.” The first two deal with the clothes we choose. First, we differ on the basic combinations, colors, and patterns that we tend to use. My preferences tend to be subdued, darker and less complex in combination and pattern, whereas he is more daring in his use of color and more willing to embrace unorthodox combos and patterns. Second, he is more willing to add accessories (from men’s fashion’s admittedly limited repertoire) such as vests, ties, and coordinated glasses. But, really our choices of clothing and accessories aren’t that different. I mean, we’re not talking a Johnny Weir - Evan Lysacek catfight here.

This brings me to my less-concrete, personality-dependent explanations for the “stylish” / “fashionable” distinction. Expectations, I think, play a key role here: my husband has expressed considerable interest in fashion, and thus people expect more concern from him about how he looks than they expect from me (although if I keep writing for a style blog that might change). More importantly, gender performance, seems to be at the heart of the distinction. I suspect that the “stylish” / “fashionable” distinction is also another way of expressing the butch/femme dichotomy that most gay and lesbian couples have to deal with. Although my husband and I agree that our relationship really doesn’t follow any set gender roles, it seems clear that, at least for many of our family members, friends, and colleagues, I’m perceived as the no-frills butch and he as the flamboyant femme. Although we’re a gay couple, which invites such comparisons, I think the butch/femme analogy defines a spectrum of men’s fashion regardless of relationship status or sexuality. Indeed, it seems clear that there’s a tipping point where one’s interest in what one wears seems to imply not only one’s gender performance but also one’s sexuality, but that’s a whole other can-o-worms.

So, do I think it’s a useful distinction—yes. Do I think it’s just about the clothing and accessories we choose—no. Check out the photos, try to guess which outfits I put together and which ones my husband choose for me, and tell us what you think about the “stylish” / “fashionable” distinction.