Mr. President, we're at CAFTAN 2!

Teaching in the Deep South is an exercise in sartorial creativity. When one is teaching a summer session class (because one would like to be paid in the summer -- who in god's name thought a 10-month pay schedule was a good idea?), one must venture deep into the recesses of the closet to find appropriate garb.

It's hot, chickens. Damn hot. Shootin' weather hot. High humidity makes certain shoes unwearable and turns many accessories into rash-producing torture devices. The heat itself, mixed with the penguin-level cooling systems available at most universities, requires a kind of creative layering unknown outside of several Bedouin tribes in North Africa.

What's a person to do? I feel as though I've run the gamut, and I offer suggestions as well as my own crises of fashion in hopes that someone somewhere has figured out how to dress for this weather and still look like the teacher. I'll use my CAFTAN scale, based on the DEFCON scale for the US Gov't.

CAFTAN 5: comfortable, warm, breezy
I've been known to wear a summer suit here! A lovely skirt and twin set, even! Heck, I might even be found in a closed-toe shoe in a snappy color.

CAFTAN 3: here is where we begin to have problems. It's in the 90s, but the humidity hasn't completely made hair optional. However, you cannot venture outside wearing actual clothing. I far too often find myself in a peasant skirt and sandals with some kind of Gap t-shirt these days as I ooze across the quad from my office to a classroom. I use jewelry and light make up to polish myself, but I'm already teetering towards play-clothes.

CAFTAN 1: 100% humidity and highs in the 90-110 range. There is no hair style to be had. There is no shoe that will feel ok. There is no fabric that can stand this. The result? Often a very casual sundress that has no business in the classroom, layered with something over it, but that "something" almost always gets ditched en route because it's HOT. I've resorted to flip-flops here. My feet simply will not fit into shoes some of these days. All I can do for my students is apologize and hope my deodorant can stand the pressure.

How to deal? How to cool? How to look polished? I've been at conferences when I've been caught in a rogue snowstorm and had to pop into a hair salon to be put back together in time for a talk or presentation, but I have yet to find a solution for full summer that doesn't involve a fan, a ponytail, and a cold vodka-tonic. Dear reader, share your wisdom,

Pantingly yours,
Megarita