Sometimes I walk into the hot room and experience immediate bliss: a warm blend of relief by the slackening of tight muscles, joy in the softness of the sultry air as it surrounds me, and comfort within the stillness, silence and tranquil dimness of the space.
And then sometimes I walk into the hot room and just think, “FML… it’s hot in here!” and start to wonder how I’m going to survive the next 90 minutes.
Sometimes I hear people walk in that door and directly announce their surprise at the boiling temperature, too: “Whoa, it’s hot!” They then proceed to glance around with a look of surprise, both at the heat and the fact that they’ve audibly disrupted the peaceful hush of the room. My favorite part of this routine is the “No sh**, dummy!” looks all of the regular Bikram yogis give the loud person as they scowl and send disapproving vibes in their general direction.
This is Bikram. Simon says IN HELL, the room seems to be saying in one silent, furious whisper. Did you not get that you were signing up for yoga in a 105-degree room? Hellooooo?
Hey, at least I don’t verbally proclaim my dismay at the heat I willingly enter a few minutes before class begins.
On the other hand, it never ceases to astound me how often the heat can bring out the worst in me – those emotions I generally tend to hide from or simply pretend just aren’t even real.
Anger. Resentment. Frustration. Self-loathing. Insecurity. Regret. Discontent.
Anywhere from mild annoyance to downright rage and full-fledged letdown, sometimes the heat puts me face-to-face with the frenzied side of me I wish wasn’t seething beneath the surface.
I’m not generally an angry or confrontational person in everyday life, so having these sensations and excesses all up in my face all of a sudden can be a bit devastating. Especially when I generally intend to use yoga as a time to detox, let go, and get out of my own head.
Sometimes, too, it’s a matter of seeing reflected back at me all of the drama and madness of real-life that needs to get left outside the glass doors but somehow managed to sneak in with me and my mat… like the feeling of my heart dropping out of my chest as I read an email from a long-time friend who says she won’t be joining me at my upcoming wedding in August. Talk about a sucker punch to the stomach: now that makes me feel loved and special.
Or how about my livid reaction to every poke and prod from parents or friends about what tiny retarded details need to get done today today today for said wedding. What color napkins? Did you call the florist? Are you sure your friends will show up to help set up chairs?! Garrrr, people. I know all the party planning is supposed to be gosh-darn hootin-hollerin’ fun, but sometimes a girl just wants to work, do the yoga, and get home for some dinner and snuggles and a couple episodes of Prison Break, not another 8-foot-long To Do List.
Or take these timely favorites: my ultimate dissatisfaction with waking up in the morning feeling like I’ve been hit by a two-ton truck. And not because I’m hung over or under-slept, but because I’ve been having these freaky, depressing, and downright terrifying dreams from the moment my head hits the pillow to the second the alarm sounds. Exhaustion sucks, man.
And of course, there’s the lovely sense of entrapment and longing for the outside summer world just beyond my reach that surrounds me from 9am to 5pm every day, just taunting me out the crystal-clear windows in the office. I can SEE you, Lake Michigan, sparkling your sparkly blue just right along the horizon there! I can see you, scantily clad Evanston residents, out there sauntering around enjoying the sunshine in your tank tops and flip flops! Gaawwwsh. Go ahead, be more taunting, won’t you?
Alright this is the point in the blog post when I admit to myself and to my readers how I really shouldn’t be whining so. You’ve probably stopped reading anyway, what with all this self-indulgent wallowing mucking up the page, but just in case you’re still with me, I’ll try and bring back a relevant point that relates to the yoga.
I was recently reminded over at Bikram Yoga NYC’s blog how “Bikram yoga can teach you that anger is as pointless as fatigue – natural, maybe, but only an inconvenience somewhat like rain: an obstacle to surmount. Doing Bikram teaches you that agitation of any type fades, and after it does, seeing the next right move is not so hard. All that heat lets cool reason prevail.”
Now this is a pretty slick idea, when you stop and think about it. The concept that by doing Bikram you can actually overcome your anger and fear – and flush it out your system just like all the other junk the postures help get rid of – is such a relief! What freedom there is in that.
It’s like any challenge, really: the longer you wait to face it head on, the harder it becomes and the more of a mountain you’ll have to climb over in the end. But if you make straight up facing it your priority, and incorporate it into your daily routine and your weekly yoga practice, the fury fades faster.
Letting go of exasperation and other inhibiting emotions during your 90-minute meditations at Bikram can also help you deepen your practice. How else do you expect to find the intense focus and balance needed for the standing balancing series? I speak from personal experience when I say that it’s pretty darn hard to hit your personal edge for Standing Head to Knee and not wobble all over the place if all you can think about is something offensive you heard at work, or a past hurt you can’t get over.
Practice being in your practice only in the room – a blank slate with no emotions, no distractions, no irritations. And hey, after a while, even the heat will start to feel good.
Photo Via CortexForce's Flickr Photostream.
Photo Via Jana Cruder Photography.
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