Marriage is work!

I have stopped and started this post several times mainly because I was never able to get more than 10 minutes to myself in the last few weeks. So here goes.

Now I am sure all of you would say of course marriage is work! Well, I have never looked at it as being that much work, sure there have been trying times but nothing I considered to be hard work at least not until about 4 months ago.


As I have written in previous posts, my work was a bit crazy before I left on maternity leave and the bottom was essentially pulled from under me on a project I was working on and was extremely passionate about. During this time my husband was dealing with his own stress of trying to find his way in the corporate world after 20 years in the military. Finally he was given an opportunity within his new corporate life that seemed to light his fire he was moving and shaking.


However my husband doesn't always know limits or boundaries, he is an all or nothing type guy so he was pretty much engrossed in this new endeavor, often I felt to the detriment of our family. I dealt with it thinking maybe the pace would slow down and that I might not be as irritated with his long hours once I had Isabelle and I was home to take care of things. I was a bit naive in my thinking because things didn't slow down and on top of everything he was not only working crazy hours but utterly frustrated by those he was working with on his project and every conversation we had together seemed to revolve around his work.

A little over a month ago an opportunity was provided to him that seemed to be a no brainer, more money, more time off, closer to home, etc. However he has been wavering, one day it is yes then the next it is no. I have acted as his counselor at a time when I have been the person who really needed one.

He ended up not taking the job about much drama. At first I was not sure that he had made he right decision but now, it is starting to feel as though it was the right move. However, I felt as though he was completely unconnected to me and the kids at a time I was in need of a shoulder to cry on as I was taking on a lot with now 3 kids in the house and the stress of his indecisiveness as it pertained to his job not to mention my own post postpartum issues. There were many a night where I was the one feeding, giving a bath and putting all 3 kids to bed on little to no sleep of my own because he was working late. I know I shouldn't complain but it had put me at the end of my rope.

Fast forward a bit.....I went for my 6 week check up last week and the Dr. took one look at me and asked "is everything OK?" I broke down into tears, sobbing, to this person who knows nothing about my life, although he is pretty intimate with my body since he delivered Isabelle! He was wonderful and let me vent a bit. He encouraged me to seek some counseling as he could tell in 10 brief minutes that I was in need of a shoulder to cry on, he even went to far as to make the appt for me. He also adjusted my meds in the hopes of trying to get me balanced out.

I spoke with the therapist yesterday and while I don't feel it really accomplished anything it did feel good to get some things off my chest to an unbiased party. However some of those things need to be told to those who can help change them not a total stranger.

My husband has been gone since Saturday on a business trip and comes back tomorrow I hope to talk to him about how I am feeling but I am afraid it will be perceived as me bitching as it seems I have not been very happy for quite sometime. I love my husband but I feel as though we have not connected in a very long time. this I know needs to change and I don't blame him solely because I have not been a peach to be with recently either. Hopefully a good old fashion gab session will help clear the air.

So there you have it! I promise to post a more upbeat post tomorrow. As a matter of fact tomorrow Isabelle will be 2 months old so I will be sure to post some photos.