Sorry for the title it is just how I feel.
Ok 8 years ago on Mothers Day I was to go over to my moms house and we were going to go out to lunch. I called her to say I would be an hour late because I was going to the 11 am mass instead of the 10 am. We are talking one hour. She threw a complete hissy fit and went on and on about not bothering to come blah blah blah. At this point in my life I was married only a year; something that my mother didn't take well as I seemed to be her companion in life up until my marriage and my leaving was not a good thing. I tired as best I could to include her and do things with her since I knew that she was all alone. My mom has a way like no other human being to get under my skin, at the young age of 26 you can imagine just how much head butting was going on. (sorry I reread that paragraph and it is all over the place but I am going to leave it because it is how I feel)
So she continued to rip me a new one and fire off some pretty nasty comments for not coming at the time I said and I got right down in the dirt with her and started to sling back the insults. This is something I am totally not proud of but I had been pushed into a corner and I really felt as if being a hour late to go to church for God's sake was a reasonable request. I ended up not seeing her for Mothers Day, pretty much the day was ruined.
Since then every single Mothers Day, my mom has rubbed that argument in my face and why should this Mothers Day be any different then the others. This morning while I was on the phone with her (I talked to her about every other day) I asked her if she would like to join us at the baseball game this Sunday, Mother's Day. I thought since we have a new stadium here in DC and the fact that I know she likes baseball and would be able to see me and I would get to be with my family it would be a win/win. Not in her eyes apparently, she flatly turned me down and proceeded to say that since our argument 8 YEARS AGO!!!!, that Mothers Day really doesn't mean much to her. Ok I said, then she asked "are you going?" Well uh yeah that is why I asked you if you wanted to come I thought, but instead I said "I am not sure." I was pissed at myself because I should have said what I was thinking. It is my Mothers Day too and I want to spend it with my kids, and for the record it wouldn't have made a difference if I said come over for dinner, let's go shopping, or whatever because it isn't totally about her she isn't going to do anything.
But you think it ends there???? Oh no!!!!!!!
So I am in my office, and the phone rings, I can see it is my mom so I pick up thinking she may have had a change of heart. No she called to ask if I had bought the ferns I talked about last week then says, "Oh by the way don't send me flowers for mothers day, I have plenty of cut flowers in the house and I don't need it to look like a funeral home here." Oh course I have already ordered flowers! I responded "fine" then the conversation ended.
WTF!!!!! am I going to have to pay for this for the rest of my life???? I have apologized a gazillion times for the fight we had 8 years ago, I have tired to make up for it in every way possible but yet I keep getting smacked in the face by this woman. I have really had about enough with the games and truthfully if it weren't for the fact I am all the family this woman has I think I would just walk away. As I type this I can feel my blood pressure rising, my face getting red and my whole body tensing up.
In the past I have tried to go back after a conversation like this and tell her it hurts me but I always get the "well you should have thought of that before you did what you did speech" This time I feel like saying "whatever" and going about my Mothers Day the way I choose.
Thoughts???
Ok 8 years ago on Mothers Day I was to go over to my moms house and we were going to go out to lunch. I called her to say I would be an hour late because I was going to the 11 am mass instead of the 10 am. We are talking one hour. She threw a complete hissy fit and went on and on about not bothering to come blah blah blah. At this point in my life I was married only a year; something that my mother didn't take well as I seemed to be her companion in life up until my marriage and my leaving was not a good thing. I tired as best I could to include her and do things with her since I knew that she was all alone. My mom has a way like no other human being to get under my skin, at the young age of 26 you can imagine just how much head butting was going on. (sorry I reread that paragraph and it is all over the place but I am going to leave it because it is how I feel)
So she continued to rip me a new one and fire off some pretty nasty comments for not coming at the time I said and I got right down in the dirt with her and started to sling back the insults. This is something I am totally not proud of but I had been pushed into a corner and I really felt as if being a hour late to go to church for God's sake was a reasonable request. I ended up not seeing her for Mothers Day, pretty much the day was ruined.
Since then every single Mothers Day, my mom has rubbed that argument in my face and why should this Mothers Day be any different then the others. This morning while I was on the phone with her (I talked to her about every other day) I asked her if she would like to join us at the baseball game this Sunday, Mother's Day. I thought since we have a new stadium here in DC and the fact that I know she likes baseball and would be able to see me and I would get to be with my family it would be a win/win. Not in her eyes apparently, she flatly turned me down and proceeded to say that since our argument 8 YEARS AGO!!!!, that Mothers Day really doesn't mean much to her. Ok I said, then she asked "are you going?" Well uh yeah that is why I asked you if you wanted to come I thought, but instead I said "I am not sure." I was pissed at myself because I should have said what I was thinking. It is my Mothers Day too and I want to spend it with my kids, and for the record it wouldn't have made a difference if I said come over for dinner, let's go shopping, or whatever because it isn't totally about her she isn't going to do anything.
But you think it ends there???? Oh no!!!!!!!
So I am in my office, and the phone rings, I can see it is my mom so I pick up thinking she may have had a change of heart. No she called to ask if I had bought the ferns I talked about last week then says, "Oh by the way don't send me flowers for mothers day, I have plenty of cut flowers in the house and I don't need it to look like a funeral home here." Oh course I have already ordered flowers! I responded "fine" then the conversation ended.
WTF!!!!! am I going to have to pay for this for the rest of my life???? I have apologized a gazillion times for the fight we had 8 years ago, I have tired to make up for it in every way possible but yet I keep getting smacked in the face by this woman. I have really had about enough with the games and truthfully if it weren't for the fact I am all the family this woman has I think I would just walk away. As I type this I can feel my blood pressure rising, my face getting red and my whole body tensing up.
In the past I have tried to go back after a conversation like this and tell her it hurts me but I always get the "well you should have thought of that before you did what you did speech" This time I feel like saying "whatever" and going about my Mothers Day the way I choose.
Thoughts???
No comments:
Post a Comment