I just want to scream......

Really I want to hit someone but I know that won't solve my problem either. I feel like this is never ending saga and quite frankly I am ready to end it even though it will be a very drastic and very final end.

My mother and I have had a long torrid relationship and as I have gotten older, worldlier and hopefully wiser, I have determined that she has many demons and issues which are not mine and are not mine to bare. However out of respect and truthfully fear, I have continued best I can to be the good daughter. I know it is not seen that way in her eyes, however I can hold my head high and say I try to the best of my ability to be a supporting loving daughter.

Without digging all the way through history my mom is not a fan of my husbands family and honestly there, are times when I cam not either, but I think that is true in any family and I look past that or at least I try. My mother on the other hand does not and punishes me for any involvement I have with them. It is very unhealthy. The most recent episode was today when I called to say hi only to hear in her voice that she was not happy I ask if she as ok and she said "fine." Which I knew was not the case, she then went on to say she had a lot on her mind and that she was looking to move (can you say drama?) I am well past the getting excited stage when I hear things like this. So I said let me know if you want to talk. She then retorts "so did your sister in law and her kids make it here" "yes", I replied "but I haven't seen them much because I have been working." It went further than that but I will leave it there. I told her I was tired of being made the bad guy every time one of the other family members come in town and she continued down her venomous path and I stayed silent. Knowing full well if I opened my mouth I would not stop and it would be very hurtful not to mention I didn't want to get all riled up being 8 months pregnant.

Further along in the conversation she informs me that she will not be attending Lauren's dance recital because she has a hair appointment and her hair dresser doesn't have any other time available. With that I shut down there were a number of uh- huh's and yeah's on my part for the rest of the call but I was basically in tears.

What the hell is with this woman that she can't seem to take time out of her retirement schedule to come see her grand kids?? Why is it that there needs to be an engraved invite presented to her every time? I am over it and I am not, will not, invite her to another damn thing. She has hurt me for the last time when it comes to my kids. I am the one who is busy with a successful career, a growing family and I do my very best to include her. Yet she, who is retired, can't be bothered because she has some sort of f**ing bug up her ass. GET OVER IT LADY! Life is to short!