Do you have that one friend or relative that has nothing positive to say about anything? I know I do, that person would be my mom but I have learned to handle it so as not to let it bring me down. Don't get me wrong I am not Miss Ray of sunshine all the time but I like to be around positive upbeat people that was not the case Saturday night.I mentioned Monday that Dan and I went to dinner Saturday night with some friends, we don't see these friends often but we do keep in touch via email. We arrived at dinner happy and full of energy I personally left exhausted and irritated.
The wife of the friend we had dinner with was pretty much a negative Nellie about everything! Kids.... negative, neighborhood they live in ...negative.......her family....negative. It was very frustrating. At one point we were discussing work and the question was raised if you were to be paid let's say 170k a year but had to work like 70 hour work weeks would you accept the job? Her eyes light up like a Christmas tree and she replied absolutely. I asked well what about when you have kids? Sure I would! She responded wouldn't you? No I replied she was shocked why not? She asked. Well there is this thing called family and I would be missing out on them; she does not have kids but they are talking about it another negative topic. She was like no way I would do it in a heartbeat her husband a huge proponent of them having a family was shocked as well. The conversation continued and at one point the wife said well you work fulltime and you must put in a lot of hours so I am curious why would you not take the job? My response was something like this.
I do work and I am in a position with a lot of responsibility but I have a strict rule that my family comes first and I make that clear to my staff, I also encourage them to think the same way. I always see work as important but it is not the be all end all; it is simply a vehicle to provide for your loved ones. I further went on to tell her that I leave the office everyday at 4pm so that I can have those precious few hours at night with my kids instead of the sitter. She scoffed and said that I could be limiting myself since I choose to leave work early. Which by the way I don't because I arrive at 7:30am. I assured her that I am one of these people who do not wear a badge of honor by being in the office 10 hours a day and that I am a huge believer in working smarter not longer.
Suddenly it hit me, not only have I had to defend my decision to not stay at home over the years; but I am now having to defend my working hours (or lack there of) outside the home. I was very frustrated add to that frustration the fact that every topic that night was one of negative comments I was done!! My thought at that moment please take your bad karma and vibes with you I don’t want them here in my happy place!!!!!!!
The work not work discussion was not an easy one and I have had plenty of family discussions both behind my back I am sure as to why I am working and the rest of my families wives don't. Because of our decision for me to work I have heard things like…. well your kids are sick all that time but that must be because they are in daycare…. or if you were home you could go to playgroups and socialize with other mothers like you... don’t you feel bad you are not the one home with your kids …..the list goes on.
I think I am doing a damn good job raising my kids; they are happy, healthy, well adjusted and well behaved kids. It really frustrates me to constantly defend my life choices to people, especially those who aren’t happy with anything in their lives. I don't ever call out others on their choices to stay home or not. I may have my feelings on the subject for certain people or situations I am aware of but I certainly would not hurt someones feelings or a friendship by forcing my views on them and it drives me nuts when people who are not in the same boat (meaning they don’t have kids) make blanket statements.
Sorry this has become more of a rant then a good blog post, please let me know your thoughts I want to hear from both sides because I think both are valid.
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