Ok so I have had a little something on my mind since last Friday night. As you know my husband was on a boondoggle trip to Vegas. I took some time to be home and get some things done. BTW thanks for all the sweet comments about my spring cleaning, I know I am insane I just don't think I know how to sit down and do nothing.
Anyway so the weekend before last I drop my moms taxes by her house when we were on our way to the circus, she commented that she was surprised at how much Jackson had grown, then quickly added "but then again I haven't seen him since Christmas" a dig yes, the truth, yes. However it is not because I have kept my kids from her. She has on more then one occasion made comments about not wanting to be around the kids when they are sick because it gets her sick. Well, in a family with small kids who are in daycare and school it is a bit hard to have every one healthy all winter long. Not to mention there are weekend activities that make visits difficult too especially if you factor out the sick weekends. Now personally I think it is a bit offensive that she doesn't want to be around us when we are sick but hey, I honor her wishes. It isn't until they end up smacking me in the face in the form of a dig that I get upset.
So I invited my mom over for dinner Friday night, I thought it would be a good chance for her to spend some quality time with the kids especially since she brought up the fact the weekend before. She came over right around dinnertime with a big shopping bag in hand, which I have told her not to do because I feel it makes the kids associate her with gifts and toys only, but she is the grandmother so I let it go. As I prepared dinner she does nothing, no offer of help, no I'll go play with the kids, no she plants herself in my kitchen and watches me work. She made a point of saying she hadn't seen the kids a week earlier yet she wasn't doing anything with them. It certainly wasn't to catch up with me because I talk to her about every other day. So I started to get steamed.
We ate dinner, during which I felt as though a had a parrot at the table repeating what I said to the kids. If I told them to sit up, or to be careful, or to stop playing with their food she would repeat it. Then I cleaned up from dinner sent the kids into the family room to play a game, my mom stayed in the kitchen with me. After the kitchen was cleaned up, I said lets go into the family room, we sat down and the kids were all over me jumping on me and having a good time, my mom then proceed to give them the items in the bag I am sure as a way quiet them down and selfishly have me to herself. They played in front of us with their stuff sometimes getting a bit loud or stepping in between us while we were talking typical things kids to do. My mom asked if we could put a TV show on so they would clam down and we could have some peace. Well that did it I was done. I gutted through the rest of the visit but I was extremely mad when she left.
See my mom made a point when I was pregnant with my oldest that she in no way shape or form was going to be my babysitter. I can count on one hand the times she has watched the kids alone and truly those were extreme emergency's. Trust me I would never ever expected that my mom would watch the kids and certainly not on a regular basis but to never do so, come on already? Her statement to me when I was pregnant I thought most certainly would change but it has not. Her belief is she had to go it alone without help and therefore so should I. Trust me when I tell you that it really really hurts. In some ways I feel like she is punishing me because she had it rough being a single parent. I thought she would enjoy being the grandmother and would relish spending time with the kids. No instead she buys the kids stuff drops it in their lap and feels as though she has done her grand motherly duty. She has even picked up on the fact that my oldest doesn't really talk to her or try to play with her, my mom claims she is distant to her. Gee you think? Maybe if you played a game of Uno or connect four with her she would open up. Hell she only sees her Nana and Pop pop a few times a year and she is more into them then she is my mom.
I have in recent years in a very polite way only when I have been pressed by her to answer the question if I am made that she doesn't baby sit, told her that I am not mad I am hurt. This discussion usually ends in an argument and I have certainly never come right out and told my mom that I think she should get on the kids level and play with them because I know it would cause a huge fight. I am not sure why I was so angry this past Friday because this is the norm when she visits, but I think it has finally gotten the better of me.
I didn't have grandparents growing up because both sets had passed away before my birth, so I really had high hopes of being able to provide that to my kids. These hopes have been dashed at least on my side of the family.
So I welcome thoughts, comments or possible solutions, truth be told I am not sure there are solutions but maybe someone out there has had a similar experience and can share with me how they have dealt with it. Thanks for listening/reading.
Anyway so the weekend before last I drop my moms taxes by her house when we were on our way to the circus, she commented that she was surprised at how much Jackson had grown, then quickly added "but then again I haven't seen him since Christmas" a dig yes, the truth, yes. However it is not because I have kept my kids from her. She has on more then one occasion made comments about not wanting to be around the kids when they are sick because it gets her sick. Well, in a family with small kids who are in daycare and school it is a bit hard to have every one healthy all winter long. Not to mention there are weekend activities that make visits difficult too especially if you factor out the sick weekends. Now personally I think it is a bit offensive that she doesn't want to be around us when we are sick but hey, I honor her wishes. It isn't until they end up smacking me in the face in the form of a dig that I get upset.
So I invited my mom over for dinner Friday night, I thought it would be a good chance for her to spend some quality time with the kids especially since she brought up the fact the weekend before. She came over right around dinnertime with a big shopping bag in hand, which I have told her not to do because I feel it makes the kids associate her with gifts and toys only, but she is the grandmother so I let it go. As I prepared dinner she does nothing, no offer of help, no I'll go play with the kids, no she plants herself in my kitchen and watches me work. She made a point of saying she hadn't seen the kids a week earlier yet she wasn't doing anything with them. It certainly wasn't to catch up with me because I talk to her about every other day. So I started to get steamed.
We ate dinner, during which I felt as though a had a parrot at the table repeating what I said to the kids. If I told them to sit up, or to be careful, or to stop playing with their food she would repeat it. Then I cleaned up from dinner sent the kids into the family room to play a game, my mom stayed in the kitchen with me. After the kitchen was cleaned up, I said lets go into the family room, we sat down and the kids were all over me jumping on me and having a good time, my mom then proceed to give them the items in the bag I am sure as a way quiet them down and selfishly have me to herself. They played in front of us with their stuff sometimes getting a bit loud or stepping in between us while we were talking typical things kids to do. My mom asked if we could put a TV show on so they would clam down and we could have some peace. Well that did it I was done. I gutted through the rest of the visit but I was extremely mad when she left.
See my mom made a point when I was pregnant with my oldest that she in no way shape or form was going to be my babysitter. I can count on one hand the times she has watched the kids alone and truly those were extreme emergency's. Trust me I would never ever expected that my mom would watch the kids and certainly not on a regular basis but to never do so, come on already? Her statement to me when I was pregnant I thought most certainly would change but it has not. Her belief is she had to go it alone without help and therefore so should I. Trust me when I tell you that it really really hurts. In some ways I feel like she is punishing me because she had it rough being a single parent. I thought she would enjoy being the grandmother and would relish spending time with the kids. No instead she buys the kids stuff drops it in their lap and feels as though she has done her grand motherly duty. She has even picked up on the fact that my oldest doesn't really talk to her or try to play with her, my mom claims she is distant to her. Gee you think? Maybe if you played a game of Uno or connect four with her she would open up. Hell she only sees her Nana and Pop pop a few times a year and she is more into them then she is my mom.
I have in recent years in a very polite way only when I have been pressed by her to answer the question if I am made that she doesn't baby sit, told her that I am not mad I am hurt. This discussion usually ends in an argument and I have certainly never come right out and told my mom that I think she should get on the kids level and play with them because I know it would cause a huge fight. I am not sure why I was so angry this past Friday because this is the norm when she visits, but I think it has finally gotten the better of me.
I didn't have grandparents growing up because both sets had passed away before my birth, so I really had high hopes of being able to provide that to my kids. These hopes have been dashed at least on my side of the family.
So I welcome thoughts, comments or possible solutions, truth be told I am not sure there are solutions but maybe someone out there has had a similar experience and can share with me how they have dealt with it. Thanks for listening/reading.
** as I read through what I have written I feel like it is all over the place but the truth is that it is at least in my brain.
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