Bizarre Sex Toys

 Hyper-realistic Japanese Dolls

Thousands of men in Japan are selling out over $6,500 for these hyper-realistic dolls that meet all their needs, and don't talk back. Created by Orient Industries, you can customize it with a wide selection of faces and hairpieces fully interchangeable. All dolls are waterproof of course...

 Artificial Hymen

Sex-toy company Gigimodo created this "artificial hymen" --a plastic bag filled with... oh well, fake blood-- for those of you who either need to lie about being a virgin, or want to re-live losing their maidenly flower. Fake blood in our chocha? No thanks...

 Obama Dildo

Just in time to insert some pork into the new stimulus package comes the "official" Obama pleasure toy. For only $34.95 you can get the "Head O State Obama Sex Toy", and you get your choice between "Presidential Gold" and "Democratic Blue".

 Hooded Spandex Full Body Binder Sack

The thought of being bagged up like a birthday present isn't my idea of fun, but according to the site, this total body sack is "so comfortable, you could spend an entire night in it".

 Eco-Friendly Vibrator

Love yourself and love your planet at the same time with Sola, a small bullet-shaped vibrator powered by the sun. The price of being green? $69.95.

 Real Touch

This computer-controlled "stimulation" device uses "specially encoded content" to bring a sort of virtual-reality experience to, um... a certain member. Using a host of technologies, the futuristic-looking computer peripheral simulates motion, adjusts temperature and provides lubrication. The encoding is deciphered by a custom Windows Media Player plugin and it's available for $150.

 Cup Nude

At some point everyone has enjoyed a fresh hot cup noodle. While the traditional instant little cup would satisfy your hunger needs, the "Cup Nude" on the other hand, satisfies a completely different need all together. Although similar in design, you will immediately notice upon opening, that this is not your average midnight snack. Complete with a packet of "Gently Acid Lotion", we are sure you will find some enjoyment out of this loving product, unless of course, there is real acid in that packet… ouch!

 Hello Kitty Vibrator

Originally marketed as a neck massager, this was one of the cult Hello Kitty collectibles that could only be acquired in Japan. But a couple of things just didn't seem to fit the whole neck massager model. The first was the size and the shape. The second was the vibrating qualities. So that's everything then. And in even more colours - black being one of them.

 Hizamakura's Lap Pillow

Here is something cooky. Normally you would think that resting your head on a lap would be for lovebirds. But not in Japan! They seem to have something of anything and that is exactly what the Hizamakura Lap Pillow is all about. It is shaped like the lap of a woman where you can perhaps sleep better knowing you are in good laps! Only the Japanese could invent something like this. Price? $142.

 Gold-plated Vibrator

Meet the world's most expensive vibrator, a 18 karat gold-plated piece that weighs approximately 5 ounces and is 3 inches long. Made in Sweden by Lelo, it has a suggested retail price of $1500, but can be yours for as little as $999.

Bizarre Sex World Records

 World's Largest Penis – 13.5 in

The official rank of the largest penis belongs to a man measured and documented by Dr. Robert Dickinson in the earlier part of the twentieth century. This record-holding penis was 13.5 inches (34 cm) in length and 6.25 inches (16 cm) in circumference.

But the living owner of the world's biggest human penis is Jonah Falcon. Falcon's 13-5 inch member has been measured for a TV special, making him one of the few guys who can back up his bodily boasts. 

 World's Largest Vagina – 19 in

The Largest Vagina most likely belonged to Scottish giantess Anna Swan (1846-1888), a remarkable woman who set a number of records relating to her bulk. Born normally sized, she began growing at a prodigious rate in childhood, finally reaching a maximum height of 7' 8" at age 19. Capitalizing on her huge size, she joined a side show and toured the country, where she met and fell in love with Captain Martin Bates, another giant who measured over 7 feet tall. They wed in 1872, making them the tallest married couple in the world, a record that still stands today. The couple settled down into married life, built a mansion filled with enormous furniture, including an 11' by 7' bed where they consummated their union. On June 18, 1879, she gave birth to the largest baby in history, weighing 26 lbs. and 34 inches in length—so large, in fact, that it became tightly wedged in her capacious tract, only extricated by the use of forceps and belts. The child did not survive the rigors of birth, but a cast was made, still on display at the Cleveland Museum of Health. Generally the largest part of an infant is the head. We know that the tyke's cranium measured about 19 inches (48cm) in circumference, hence we compute the minimum dilation of Swan's passage as 6 inches, or just over 15 cm. That's pretty wide—the normal dilation for childbirth is 10 cm. 

 World's Most Prolific Mother (69 babies)

Feodor Vassilyev (1707-1782), was a peasant from Shuya, Russia. Though not noteworthy himself, his first wife, Valentina Vassilyeva, set the record for most children birthed by a single woman. She gave birth to total of 69 children; however, few other details are known of her life, such as her date of birth or death. She gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, 7 sets of triplets and 4 sets of quadruplets between 1725 and 1765, in a total of 27 births. 67 of the 69 children born survived infancy. The modern world record for giving birth is held by Leontina Albina from San Antonio, Chile. Now in her mid-sixties, she claims to be the mother of 64 children. Of these, 55 are documented. The mother with the greatest number of kids that are not tiwns is Livia Ionce. This Romanian woman, 44, gave birth to her 18th child in Canada in 2008. 

 World's Biggest Distance for a Jet of Semen – 18 ft

Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in (6 m) with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also holds the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph. 



 

 World's Oldest Prostitute – 82-year-old

Prostitution is commonly known as the world's oldest profession. Meanwhile police in Tai Pei estimate an 82 -year-old nicknamed "Grandma" to be the oldest living, working prostitute. Chiu went into the business about 40 years ago, after a man she had lived with for two decades died. She stays in the business charging ten or twenty times less than others prostitutes. 

 World's Biggest Orgy – 250 couples

Japan has successfully set a new world record – having 250 men and 250 women consent to have sex in the same place at the same time, completing the world's biggest orgy! The Orgy was held in a warehouse with a professional camera crew taking pictures and recording the entire event. Each sex act and position was choreographed so that couples were simultaneous in their actions. Despite the "orgy" label, the 250 couples (all tested STD-free) featured in the video have sex only with each other and not with any other couple. The entire event is available for purchase on DVD. 

 World's Biggest Gang Bang – 919 guys in the same day

Lisa Sparxxx is a noted American pornographic actress. She had sex with 919 guys in a single day, setting a world record. Specifically, it occurred during Eroticon 2004, a Polish convention that celebrates exactly what its title suggests, as part of the Third Annual World Gangbang Championship. This wasn't just some publicity stunt either; the coveted "World Gang Bang Record" had changed "hands" back in 2002 and 2003, when the number reached was 646 and 759, respectively. 

 World's Longest Man Masturbation – 10 hours

A man by the name of Masanobu Sato attended the 2009 World Masturbate-a-thon held by the Center for Sex & Culturein San Francisco and set the world record for longest session by jerking it for 9 hours and 58 minutes. He came all the way from Japan just for the event, armed with a wide variety of sexual aids, and the record he was beating was his own. Last year he set the record with 9 hours and 33 minutes. 

 World's Strongest Vagina - lifts 31 lbs with her vagina

Meet Tatiata Kozhevnikova, the 42-year-old Russian woman with the world's strongest vagina. No, seriously, she broke records to attain that title. Incredibly enough, she lifted 14 kilograms worth of weights-- almost 31 pounds-- to achieve such notoriety. She has been exercising her intimate muscles for fifteen years, and has already made her entrance into the Guinness Book of Records as the possessor of the world's strongest vagina. "After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls," she said.

 World's Oldest Father – 90-year-old

The world's oldest father has done it again, fathering a child for at least the 21st time, at the age of 90. Indian farmer Nanu Ram Jogi, who is married to his fourth wife, boasts he does not want to stop, and plans to continue producing children until he is 100. Mr Jogi admits he is not certain how many children his series of four wives have borne him - but counts at least 12 sons and nine daughters and 20 grandchildren. 

Movie Myths about Sex

We all know the movies don’t necessarily contain the most accurate depictions of actual life. Or do we?

Whether we realize it or not, we all pick up subtle things from movies that we expect to find in our actual lives. And while I’m willing to overlook some of the media’s follies (like the fact that people in any foreign country all speak English), some of their depictions of sex are just. so. wrong.

Sex requires a soundtrack.
Sure, some people like to have sex to music and watching couples do it to some big, romantic song in the movies makes us all think music will enhance our orgasms, too. But how many times have you set your iTunes to random and had the Spongebob theme song come on in the middle of your session? Awkward! Sometimes it’s best to leave the music off while you’re getting frisky (unless you’re trying to drown out the noise so your roommates don’t hear). It will still be just as good.

Couples always finish together.
Not only do women orgasm every time they have sex in movies, but they always do it at the exact same time as their partner. Anyone who’s ever had sex in the real world knows this couldn’t be further from the truth for most sexual encounters.

Women never walk around naked after sex.
I don’t know about you girls, but I have never, ever ripped a sheet off of a bed to cover myself when I need to walk around the morning after sex. Nor do I immediately dress myself in my boyfriend’s oversized, button-up shirt.

Sex makes babies, no matter what.
Of course, sex can lead to pregnancy. But the recent barrage of unplanned-pregnancy movies and TV shows (Knocked Up, Juno, Secret Life of the American Teenager) would make you think birth control had never been invented.

Losing your virginity is a really, really, really big deal.
If you’re a female TV character, chances are you spend at least a season deciding if, when, and with whom you lose your virginity. And when you finally do make the choice, you either A. hurt someone you love, B. get pregnant, or C. feel horribly insecure afterward. And if you’re in a slasher movie, your virginity was probably the only thing keeping you alive!

Only beautiful women have sex.
Or husbands, careers, educations, friends, or any type of life worth living, for that matter.

De Wallen Red light district of Amsterdam

Wheres the G-Spot

The Hotly Debated G-Spot
The G-spot, named after the gynecologist Ernest Gräfenberg, is an alleged erogenous zone located a few centimeters inside the vagina on the anterior wall. Its rise to popularity is usually attributed to the 1982 book, The G Spot and Other Recent Discoveries About Human Sexuality, co-authored by Beverley Whipple, a professor at Rutgers. Though the book describes how to find and stimulate this region, and sent intrepid women to try to locate theirs, it also gave the yet-to-be-classified area an almost mythical status—many have heard of it, and can generally describe what it’s supposed to do, but the majority haven’t actually seen its effects. Currently, there is no recognized part of the female anatomy labeled as the “G-spot.” In fact, researchers debate as to whether it exists at all.

Part of the problem stems from the general lack of research into women’s sexual health, which has hampered the ability to make anatomic generalizations. A review published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology in 2001 states “the evidence is far too weak to support the reality of the G-spot” and that “anecdotal observations and case studies based on a small number of subjects are not supported by anatomic and biochemical studies.”

Skeptics of the G-spot also contend there is no neural pathway to signify a physiologic mechanism. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2006 took 101 vagina biopsy samples from twenty-one women and found that although nerves were located regularly throughout the vagina, there is no one location that has more nerve density than others, dispelling the notion of a single erogenous zone inside the vagina.

Recent research, however, indicates variation rather than absence. A study done in 2008 by Emmanuele Jannini and colleagues at the University of L’Aquila in Italy used ultrasound to measure anatomical differences between women who report vaginal orgasms (orgasm due to stimulation of the vaginal walls and not the clitoris) and those who don’t. The researchers scanned the genital area of nine women who reported vaginal orgasms and eleven who didn’t and found that those with orgasms have thicker tissue in the “urethrovaginal space.” The authors conclude that the size of this space is correlated with the ability to have a vaginally-activated orgasm; without evidence of what they call the G-spot, women won’t have this type of orgasm.

However, critics on both sides of the debate question the results of this small study. G-spot detractors contend that this place could just be an extension of the clitoris, which was found in 1998 by Helen O’Connell to be much larger than previously thought—the part we can see externally is really just the tip of the iceberg. Because the clitoris extends all the way into the vagina, perhaps vaginal orgasms occur because they are actually stimulating the part of the clitoris, or the glands, nerves, and tissue surrounding this area.

On the other side of the debate are the G-spot believers who question why the study showed only some women to have G-spots and not all.

Prostate and Ejaculation, for Women?
Part of the confusion regarding the G-spot may also have to do with the unclear characterization of female “ejaculation” and the Skene’s glands. The Skene’s glands are paraurethral glands thought to be homologous to the male prostate, and are sometimes referred to as the female prostate.

Some researchers claim that the Skene’s glands and the G-spot work in conjunction—or perhaps are one in the same. According to the Kinsey Institute, during sexual arousal, the vagina and the Skene’s glands swell so that you can feel them in the interior of the vagina—around the same area that the G spot is supposed to be. For some women, pressure here is pleasurable; for others it is not.

Stimulation of this area in some women can cause the Skene’s glands to produce fluid, like its homologous male counterpart. In men, the prostate produces secretions, which mix with sperm to produce semen. In some women, the Skene’s glands may produce the fluid that is the source of female ejaculate. Although it comes out the urethra, the ejaculate is not urine. Biochemical analysis shows the presence of prostatic acid phosphatase and prostate specific antigen, further indicating the role of a prostate-like structure in women.

However, it is estimated that only about 10 percent of women experience ejaculation, so it is unclear how the glands function—or whether they exist in significant size—in all women. Most think they are a remnant of the embryonic stage, when we had the ability to be either sex. Males went on to have a penis and a prostate, while females developed a clitoris and in some, the Skene’s gland, or female prostate.

Just for Fun
Whether you want to refer to the anterior wall of the vagina as the G-spot, the clitoral urethrovaginal complex, or the female prostate, it is clear that some women derive pleasure from stimulating this area and some don’t. Unfortunately, anatomical differences are often interpreted, by the pharmaceutical industry and others looking to make a buck, as dysfunctions. Already there are G-spot “parties,” where women inject collagen into their vagina supposedly to make this region larger and enhance their sexual function. Drug companies are eager to find a female equivalent of blockbuster drugs like Viagra, and part of marketing a drug means creating the apparent need for it.

While exploring this area might be fun, there’s no need to get hung up on the idea that it isn’t producing explosive orgasms. In fact, studies indicate that 70 to 75 percent of women don’t orgasm through vaginal intercourse. Even those that contend every woman has a G-spot, like Beverly Whipple, aren’t trying to point to it as the crème de la crème of orgasm; rather, it seems they are trying to explain the experiences and physiology of women who do ejaculate and derive pleasure from stimulation in this region.

Long Time Coming
All the anatomical and physiology debate is ultimately good because it means more research into women’s sexual health. Scientists continue to redefine textbooks and hypotheses, trying to figure out the form and function of the female erogenous areas as accurately as possible. What they can agree on so far is that the female genitalia, like her arousal, is certainly more complex and diverse than previously thought.

Kissing KamaSutra

Kissing is an essential element of good lovemaking and it should come as no surprise that its erotic delights are scrutinised in Kama Sutra. An accomplished kisser can elevate a lover to dizzy heights of passion and go to places no man has gone before. This primal activity is often the first erotic point of contact between lovers and it should be mastered and practiced regularly by any serious aficionado of life. The health benefits may not be documented nor its frequency regulated by the state, but we all know instinctively that we need it to thrive. Adult games are vastly improved with good oral techniques, see our article on Mouth Music, of which kissing is one of the essentials.

Non-penetrative kisses are described by Kama Sutra as Innocent Kisses. They involve manoeuvres such as The Bent Kiss, where two lovers bend their heads towards each other in a traditional Hollywood ‘first kiss’ scenario. It is a light, tentative embrace and an initial opportunity to explore or ignite a lover’s ardour.

The Turned Kiss, when one lover turns their partner’s face up to theirs by holding their head or chin in their hands, reveals an inner impulse and its intention to physically possess its subject.

An escalation of sexual tension may involve applying pressure to the lips in the form of The Pressed Kiss in which a lover plays with their partner’s bottom lip, pressing it between their fingers before touching it with their tongue. Increasing eye contact during this kiss will heighten pleasure and increase arousal because it teases and hints at things to come.

Kama Sutra also mentions The Straight Kiss, which does exactly what it says on the wrapper; it is a bog-standard full-frontal kiss on the lips, avoiding noses. As with all kissing, it depends on how and where you get started but even the most innocent kiss has huge erotic potential so it would be a mistake to dismiss the basics.

Kama Sutra denotes three types of kisses allowed to young girls and their lovers but although they are highly charged, they do not involve any penetration or application of significant pressure to the lips. The Nominal Kiss is described as “when a girl only touches the mouth of her lover with her own but does not do anything”.

The Throbbing Kiss is allowed if the girl wants to “set aside her bashfulness a little, wishing to touch the lip that is against her mouth” and involves her moving only her bottom lip in a slight movement.

The Touching Kiss is “when a girl touches her lover’s lips with her tongue and having shut her eyes, places her hands in those of her lover”. The senses are aroused by introducing more stimuli from using the tongue and by holding hands. When lovers close their eyes they are unable to accurately anticipate what will happen next until they feel it; it is wildly exciting. Although these are presented as the most innocent of kisses it is easy to see how they could build sexual tension between lovers and be the start of something big.

In stark contrast to the repressed sexuality of youth, Kama Sutra describes the overt sexual maturity of Passionate Kissing, which penetrates the body and whips the senses into an erotic frenzy. Passionate kissing escalates sexual arousal to a point where full intercourse is highly desirable, highly probable and where anything seems possible.

The Kiss of The Upper Lip is a deliciously animalistic exchange where the man kisses the woman’s upper lip and the woman kisses his bottom lip; it is as though the lovers are literally feasting on each other.

The Clasping Kiss is another all consuming kiss “when one of the lovers takes both the lips of the other between his or her own”. Kama Sutra advises that this is a kiss for the clean-shaven as a mouthful of moustache is not a huge turn on.

The most adventurous kiss leads on from The Clasping kiss and is called The Fighting of the Tongue. It involves penetrating the mouth with the tongue and touching the teeth, the tongue and the palate of the other; basically every part of the lover’s mouth is explored.

Kissing has been both a sumptuous indulgence and an essential element of human experience for thousands of years and therefore it is highly recommended that you keep practicing and enjoying it on a regular basis. It is our duty to keep these ancient skills alive for future generations so pucker-up and get snogging.

Sex in the middle ages

Without the Christian church of the Middle Ages, Sigmund Freud of the 19th century would have been out of work. Many of the deepest ideas and notions of sex that we hold today were formulated and laid down in the Middle Ages, especially by the Church's sometimes confused and other times severe pronouncements.

The Church had opinions and laws about every aspect of sex. Adultery and fornication in some cases were sins punishable by death, but for a time the Church actually condoned prostitution, admitting that it was a necessary evil. And in the early part of the Middle Ages, priests were actually allowed to marry and have children.

But despite the Church's overall opposition to sex, it appeared to be very interested in the subject. Descriptions of sex acts were often described in great detail that sounded as if they were written with some enjoyment. One wonders whether if these early theologians were just a little titillated by the subject as they wrote their long polemics on sexuality.

Courtly Love: You can look, but you'd better not touch

The Church forbade open expression of sexual desire, but the medieval notion of "courtly love" suggested that love and admiration could exist somewhere between erotic desire and spiritual attainment. One writer defined courtly love as something "at once illicit and morally elevating, passionate and disciplined, humiliating and exalting, human and transcendent".

Courtly love is associated with the Knight who falls in love with the married woman – or at least the idea of the pure woman. He admires her from afar, goes to war for her, and sacrifices his life.

Troubadours, medieval singers who went from town to town, singing love songs, often represented this idea of courtly love, with an undercurrent of sexuality. An example is a Spanish song about a young woman visiting a nearby stream:

Her adoring boyfriend meets her there:
a mountain stag makes the waters stir.
Happily in love, in love she's happy.
(from Song About a Girl at a Spring)

Adultery: Keep your pants on, mister!

For anyone serious about Christian morality, sex was not an option. Celibacy was the ideal way to conduct one's life and sex was condoned only as part of a marriage. Pre-marital or extra-marital sex was a serious risk, if you had to "scratch an itch." Priests were required to report adulterers and fornicators (those having sex outside of marriage) and punishments could range from years of doing penance to death.

But it wasn't just the Church that disapproved of adultery and fornication, it was also noblemen, who wanted to be certain that any children of their marriage were, in fact, their own. One real life story of courtly love gone wrong involved King Phillip of France (also known as "Phillip the Fair"). He discovered that his three daughters were having intimate relations with some of his knights and had the men publicly disemboweled. His daughters were then sent to monasteries and one of them was possibly murdered.

In reality, there was a more lenient attitude, especially in rural populations where sexual dalliances were routine. Often the priests would try to force the "sinners" to marry, and all would be forgiven. If marriage was out of the question, punishments could involve years of penance.

Sexual Positions: Insert tab A into slot B

The Church even dictated how you were supposed to have sex. Anything other than the common "missionary position," for example, was considered unnatural and therefore a sin, according to the Church. The woman on top position, or entering her from the rear (sex a tergo) were not favored because they interfered with the natural order of male-female roles. Anal and oral sex were sins because they could only be practiced for pleasure, not procreation, which for the purists was the only purpose of sex.

Punishments for those using "deviant" sexual positions could be very harsh: three years' penance for the woman on top and the same for both oral intercourse and sex a tergo, which was generally seen as the most sinful position ... with the possible exception of anal intercourse.

These were the official ideas of the Church, but some "progressive" theologians began to question these ideas. Albertus Magnus named five sexual positions and ranked them from most acceptable to least acceptable: 1) missionary, 2) side-by-side, 3) sitting, 4) standing and 5) a tergo. Magnus said the missionary was the only completely "natural" position; the others were "morally questionable but not mortally sinful. In certain situations, however, (such as extreme obesity), these other positions could be not only acceptable but even practical.

Homosexuality: Psst! Come into my closet, brother!

The Church's stand on homosexuality was bluntly stated by the Catholic theologian, Peter Damian in his Book of Gommorah. Sodomy was defined as "acts against nature" and included the following: solitary masturbation, mutual masturbation, copulation between the thighs (interfemoral sex), and copulation "in the rear," or anal sex (the last phrase was so upsetting to some readers, it was often left out). St. Thomas Aquinas expanded the definition of sodomy to include all acts other than vaginal intercourse. He also named lesbianism a sin.

The church began to prosecute sexual sinners in the 12th and 13th centuries. Sodomy was punishable by death, which could involve mutilation, burning at the stake, hanging, and, in the case of priests caught in the act, being hung in a suspended cage until they starved to death.

There is, however, evidence of highly placed figures that were homosexuals. King Richard I (the Lionheart) of England was thought to be homosexual; it is rumoured that he met his wife Berenegaria while in a sexual relationship with her brother, the future King Sancho VII of Navarre. It is also reported that he and King Philip II of France were sexually involved. An historian of the time said they "ate from the same dish and at night slept in one bed" and had a "passionate love between them".

The Fashion of Virility: Is that a codpiece, or are you just happy to see me?

One of the most popular fashion accessories of the Middle Ages was the codpiece – a flap or pouch that attached to the front of the crotch of men's trousers and accentuated it in such a way as to emphasize or exaggerate the genitals. They were stuffed with sawdust or cloth and held closed by string ties, buttons, or other methods. The crotch was often extremely large or gave the idea of an erect penis. The word, codpiece, comes from the Middle English word, cod, which means scrotum.

Another symbol of virility in fashion was a style of shoe called the poulaine. These were long, pointy-toed shoes, that were also meant to suggest the size of the wearer's penis – the longer point, the more virile the man.

Codpieces and poulaines are frequently seen in the paintings of the Dutch artist, Pieter Breugel. There is a portrait of Henry VIII, one of the great "fashion horses" of the later Middle Ages, wearing both.

Understandably, the Church did not appreciate these articles of clothing, calling them "fashions of the devil."

Dildos: "A size to match your sinful desire"

There are some references to the use of dildos by women in the Middle Ages, in particular, this one in a Church "penitential," a book that prescribes punishments for sins.

"Have you done what certain women are accustomed to do, that is to make some sort of device or implement in the shape of the male member of a size to match your sinful desire? If you have done this, you shall do penance for five years on legitimate holy days."

The word dildo was not actually used until the Renaissance period, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, but one fanciful explanation of its origin was a small elongated loaf of bread flavored with dill, thus "dilldough."

One writer in the renaissance period referred to the popularity of dildos imported from Italy:

You ladies all of merry England
Who have been to kiss the Duchess' hand,
Pray, did you not lately observe in the show
A noble Italian called Signor Dildo? ...

A rabble of pricks who were welcomed before,
Now finding the porter denied them the door,
Maliciously waited his coming below
And inhumanly fell on Signor Dildo ...

Virginity and Chastity: Jumping off the sex wagon!
The medieval Church's belief that celibacy was the only way one could worship God was embodied in the Virgin Mary. In the Middle Ages, virginity would have been an ideal to aspire to, but it was rarely achieved by commoners and nobles alike.

But it was possible to become a "born-again" virgin. The Church made it possible for women who not only had had sex, but who had mothered children, to confess their "sins," perform years of penance and spend their remaining years in a convent. Women who chose this path renounced their so-called role in the "original sin" (of tempting Adam with the Fruit of Knowledge) and joined what was known as the Cult of the Virgin.

Chastity has almost the same meaning as virginity. Many believe the "chastity belt," a belt worn by women over their vaginas to prevent penetration, was a medieval phenomenon. In fact, it was an invention of the 19th century.

Prostitution: Looking for a good time?

Prostitution thrived in the Middle Ages, whether it was approved by the Church or not. In larger towns, prostitutes could practice their trade in anonymity and it was regarded as an honest and essential profession.

For a time, the Church actually approved of prostitution. Ironically, the practice was regarded as a way of preventing adultery and homosexuality on a larger scale, so it was viewed a necessary evil. St. Thomas Aquinas, one of the sterner theologians, wrote: "If prostitution were to be suppressed, careless lusts would overthrow society."

The most respectable prostitutes worked in brothels, or "stews." Most villages had one. In some villages, prostitutes had to identify themselves by particular pieces of clothing, such as a veil with a yellow stripe. Women who practiced outside of a brothel were often exposed to the harsher elements of society. Some were imprisoned, tortured or mutilated.

Contraception: If the dam breaks ...
Throughout the Middle Ages, the Church was more concerned with the sins of pleasure resulting from "unnatural" sexual acts than with the issue of contraception. Theologians disagreed with contraception then, as now, but the Church appeared to be less concerned about it than denouncing the many other sinful practices. Contraception was viewed as a minor moral problem, not a mortal sin.

Apart from the practice of coitus interruptus, there are some references to condom use by men. Condoms, then, consisted of animal bladders or intestines tied with twine and were reused many times. It appears they were used more as a way of preventing venereal diseases, such as syphilis. Later versions of the condom were made with linen. The first contraceptive use of the condom was not until the mid 1600s.

Women sometimes used pessaries, concoctions of a variety of ingredients that acted as a kind of spermicide. They were applied inside the vagina. One pessary recipe consisted of ground dates, acacia bark, and a touch of honey mixed into a moist paste. The wool or cloth was then soaked in this mixture and inserted inside the vagina.

Sexual Dysfunction: Wake up and make love with me!

If a man could not perform sex, the Church brought in a special group of "private investigators" – wise village women who would examine the husband's penis and assess their general health to determine if they were capable of performing sex for procreation (and pleasure). If the penis was deformed, or if there was some other reason he could not consummate the marriage, the couple would be separated.

Many medieval physicians in Europe were great followers of Islamic medicine. Muslim physicians and pharmacists were the first to prescribe medication for the treatment of erectile dysfunction, including drug therapy combined with diet. Most of these drugs were oral medication, though a few patients were also treated through topical and transurethral means.