I am not usually one to toot my own horn, however this is Tuesday Toot day and I wanted to share not so much because it is about me but more because I know there are hundreds of thousands of moms out there that do what I do every day who don't get a flashy award or even an ounce of recognition for their hard work. So this is their Tuesday Toot as well!
Recently, I was honored to be selected as one of AOL's Chief Everything Officers (CEO) below is the interview/article that was written about my award. I can not tell you how humbling it was to be in the presence of so many great mom's, whose stories could make you cry but but at the same time warms your heart. Motherhood is truly a bond like no other. I still don't know that I am worthy of this award and when I accepted it I did so on behave of all moms because I think we are all CEO's in our own right. So here is my Tuesday Toot achievement.
One Working Mom's Key to Success
CEO Stephanie has mastered the art of managing the details -- two kids, a husband, house, full-time job, online classes -- without sweating the small stuff.By AOL Editor Dori FernCongratulations on being chosen our CEO prize winner in the category of Organizational Development.Thank you! Gee, I don’t know if I'm as amazing as the other CEO winners!
Clearly our judges disagree. You seem to have an exceptionally positive attitude about your life and the people in it: at home, at work and so forth. Plus you balance all these parts with grace and good humor. This may not seem flashy, but it really is the heart of this Chief Everything Officer program. When asked why you believed you were chosen as a CEO, here's what you said:
"I understand what it is to work hard for what you want. I am not afraid of any challenge -- no job is too big or too small for me, from painting rooms in my home to cleaning up projectile vomit. I am above no job. I am up for a challenge and I am sure that life with my wonderful family will present many more challenges through the years, but they need not worry because CEO Whalen is on the job."
What do you think is the key to your happy family life?The fast pace [of my life] requires precision timing -- my day starts at 5 a.m. and ends around 10 p.m. -- but all that structure can make you lose sight of what's most important. You have to enjoy life. Every day I try to make my kids and husband laugh at least 10 times. That means making silly faces and noises, being flexible and just plain having fun. That doesn't mean I'm not exhausted at the end of the day -- I am! However, I love my life, my kids and I am blessed to be able to keep up my insane pace.
You have a career in addition to your multitude of jobs at home. A lot of mom's are conflicted about the decision to work after having kids. How about you?I think it's the best thing for me as a parent because I need that adult time. It's something I've struggled with. You get some moms who look at you like, "How can you leave your kids?" But I now know this is best for my family. My kids are happy, healthy and well-behaved.
In what way do you think working outside of the house makes you a better mom?I think it's the variety in my life that allows me to appreciate things and really engage with my kids. I get down on the floor and listen to them on their level. I think as parents we sometimes forget to just get down on their level, literally -- be truly engaged in it. I've been guilty of it -- trying to stir dinner or do laundry and half-listening. It's important to just stop and really listen.
When I'm going from dealing with a budget issue at work and I drive an hour to pick them up and I hear "Mommy, Mommy" when I walk in the door, I put that other stuff away. I just want to talk to them, find out how their day was. I may not have a lot of time with my kids, but I do get the most out of my time with them.
How old are your kids?My daughter is 5 years old and my son's 3 years old.
What challenges have you faced as a career mom?My assistant quit two days before I went out on maternity leave with my son, so two days after my son was born I started working from home. Two weeks after he was born I had to do a phone interview with a new assistant -- I was rocking him on my lap and he threw up all over me. I just pretended like nothing happened! I finished the call, and went about my mommy duties taking care of my son.
How has being a mom affected you professionally, and vice versa?I have to be flexible and prioritize what's most important. I wear many hats. I'm the Director of Operations for an insurance company plus I also take online job advancement courses. Being a parent, you have to know what to prioritize. Sometimes the dishes have to wait when you've got to tend to a potty training kid. I've learned when it's important to drop the work hat and wear the family hat, because my family is my No. 1 priority. But I am very well-respected both professionally and personally. People know they can count on me.
How specifically does your family benefit from your flexibility?I'm not so short-fused. When the kids are screaming and carrying on, I just reflect on that unstructured time and say to myself: "This is going to pass." When you're trying to get out the door and get things done you tend to forget about that and lose patience. My patience has gotten much better. My husband is such a balancer for me.
How so?I didn't have a lot of bend until I met him. I lose sight sometimes, so I have to take a breath, step back. I've always been very structured, so when I do have down time I try to sit back and reflect and say maybe all this structure isn't so important all the time. The reason I try to make my family laugh is because of my husband -- he's very silly. I tend to be very serious. I realized that I didn't want my kids to always think of me as so serious. I want them to respect me as the disciplinarian but I also want them to remember the good times too.
It's nice to hear you speak so highly of your husband. What is the key to the success of your marriage?My husband, he's an intelligence officer, a lieutenant colonel in the Army -- he's my rock. He's my ying and I'm his yang. I can be the serious, stoic one and he's the life of the party. A colleague said to me when I got married and again after I had my daughter: "Remember you were a couple first," and that's really true.
If I want to go work out or go out with girlfriends he's like "Go, have a good time." He allows me to steal a couple of hours to just be me. And I do the same for him. That fosters such a respect for each other since we are generally so consumed with the kids.
We also always remember that we need alone time together. We have to keep that flame going to keep the heat in the family going. If we don’t cultivate that, everything else could fall apart.
You were raised by a single mother. You reflect on the hardships of your own childhood in your essay, about how you and your mom were evicted when you were a kid. How did this effect the way you parent your own children?That was such an embarrassing time for us. My mom struggled as a single parent to provide me with a good life. I think that sometimes trying to be both parents wore her out. Her patience and tolerance weren't what they should be. I watched her in her career and her struggle to make it all work and I don't want to struggle that way. I want to go to the next level for her to be proud of me.
Your mom must be very proud of you.When I hang up I'm going to call my mom and tell her "thank you." She's been through a lot. I hope she takes some gratification in what she's enabled me to achieve for myself. Even through the toughest of times, my mom is just a rock. I've taken her strengths and I've built upon them, which is important. I want to pass those things along to my own kids. That's what life's about: Build upon things to make them better for the next generation.
